Zenon Dolnyckyj
Chapter 2: Memory Lane
My eyes opened. Now that was no nap. I had heard about people having their
life flash before their eyes during a near death experience. Was I near death?
This didn’t feel like a flash. It was a little unusual. I questioned, “What
I was doing? How did I get here?” My nervousness was surely getting the
better of me again. Trying to nap seemed futile. Then my little trip down memory
lane was interrupted by the captain’s voice on the intercom.
Captain: Ladies and gentlemen I regret to inform you that there will be another
delay for approximately 45 minutes. There seems to be some technical difficulties
with one of the electrical boards and the repair crew will be here soon.
These technical problems were making the passengers very nervous. Due to the
recent airline calamities and complications, passengers aren’t exactly
calm, cool or collected when the words “technical difficulties” are
announced over the intercom. Personally, I couldn’t help getting nervous
and scared any time someone Chinese looked at me. Voices of paranoia echoed
through my head, “They know, they know.” I was so far away from Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
My mind could not sit still. I couldn’t even think about trying to sleep.
I had never felt like this before in my life. I couldn’t help asking myself
“What is happening to me? What am I doing?”
My mind shot back to the first time I decided to go Tiananmen Square. It was
almost one year ago to the day. It was November 1999 and I was in Sydney, Australia
for a couple of months with some friend who were also practitioners. One day
we had a visitor. She was a Falun Dafa practitioner from Mainland China. Everyone
called her Xiao (little or young) Ye. We all sat at the dinning room table to
have tea and discuss the upcoming Falun Dafa Experience Exchanging Conference
being held in Hong Kong. After some discussion, I asked about the situation
of the practitioners in China. After the official crackdown on Falun Dafa began
in July 1999, we had heard that the persecution was intensifying, but the practitioners
wouldn’t give up. They had recently passed a law to justify the persecution
they were carrying out. She said it was very complicated and very harsh. My
heart was pained. I wanted to run to China and join the practitioners there.
I questioned, “How could I practice freely, when they have to face such
persecution?” I wanted to know what I could do besides just talking to
government officials? My first thought was, since I will be in Hong Kong, I
should take a train to Beijing and go to Tiananmen Square to hold a banner and
say Falun Dafa is Good. So through a translator, I asked Little Ye.
Zenon: What do you think about my going to China and holding a banner in Tiananmen
Square?
Xiao Ye: I can never tell anyone to go to China, and I can never tell anyone
not to go. This has to be your decision from your own heart, since it is your
cultivation. But if you were to go it would be a very strong statement and would
encourage many Falun Dafa practitioners in the mainland. However, there are
not many people like you right now outside Mainland China, who are appealing
the persecution. So both can have a good effect.
I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was concerned for my safety.
I appreciated her unbiased advice and realized, she was right; the decision
had to be mine alone. Without opening my mouth a battle ensued in my mind.
My heart: I will go.
My brain: You can’t speak the language.
My heart: I can say “Tiananmen Square” and people can direct me.
My brain: You don’t have enough money to get home.
My heart: I have enough money to get there.
My brain: How will you get food?
My heart: I can go hungry. People do it all the time.
My brain: What if they want to kill you?
My heart: I will stand up for the truth at any cost.
As this internal confrontation took place, my eyes welled with tears, but my
mind became firm. At that time I decided to go. However, through a discussion
with another practitioner, I came to understand that it was not enough for my
heart to be clear or pure; I must also be responsible to the sensitivity of
the situation. In 1999, the persecution was still in its early stages and new
to many people. Many people didn’t know what Falun Dafa was nor did they
understand what was happening in China. The action I planned to take could cause
more harm and misunderstanding and provide little or no help at all. I chose
not to go to the mainland and just participated in the Hong Kong Conference.
Captain: Well, it seems we have sorted everything out and we will be taxiing
down the runway in about ten minutes.
Whether I liked it or not, now I was going to China.
As we taxied down the runway, I sat back remembering my time in Hong Kong.
It was unbelievable to me that while we paraded through the streets holding
banners that read Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, China was persecuting
Falun Dafa for being “harmful to society.”
The conference was splendid. I was even given the chance to share a speech.
But the most memorable thing was the press conference that I took part in by
chance. When I remembered, it was as though it just happened earlier that day.
The conference had just concluded. I was walking through the conference hall
feeling light and serene. One practitioner asked me if I wanted to help talk
to the media. I thought sure, why not, I would love to help. I sat down at a
table, and it seemed reporters came out of nowhere. In seconds there were people
surrounding us with microphones, video cameras and several sporadic camera flashes
were going off every second. It seemed as though they all wanted to ask their
questions at the same time louder than the next and wanted us to answer them
all at the same time. It was out of control. There were only three of us and
at least 20 of them. We were not used to facing the media. We practiced meditation
in parks and enjoyed evening reading groups. This was not exactly what I was
trained for.
The most active volunteer in Hong Kong, a bilingual young lady from Australia,
and I sat there doing our best to speak to them. But then it hit me like an
apple falling from a tree and knocking me on the head. All the lies and propaganda
that were coming out of China could be addressed right here. After I realized
this was too important a chance to let it continue on loud and unruly. I spoke
up.
Zenon: Ladies and gentlemen, please calm down. We will take your questions
one at a time. Please put your hand up and wait your turn. We have to offer
translation to all of you, so please wait until you have been chosen.
My voice was loud, but I tried to be polite. Once they realized we were trying
to help them and not hide from their barrage of questions, everyone calmed down,
and we started to go one at a time. This gave us a great chance to clarify that
Falun Dafa wasn’t against the government, nor would it ever be, and that
Hong Kong is not becoming a “base” for Falun Gong to attack China’s
political party. Then one reporter asked if we were illegally selling books
in China. Having never heard that lie before, I paused for half a second and
looked at the Falun Dafa book on the table. After picking it up, I turned the
back cover to face the reporters and showed them the ISBN number and bar code
and declared that all the books are registered and they could check for themselves.
While holding the book, I was blinded by another artillery of camera flashes.
Aside from being a little loud at one point, the three of us calmly and kindly
answered their question to the best of our abilities.
Despite the lies spread by the propaganda, we were able to let people know
that the practice of Falun Dafa didn’t tell people not to take medicine
or forget about their families; neither were we trying to take over China.
After our 4 hours of flying, we landed in Vancouver. After we missed our original
flight to Beijing because of the delays, the airline put us up at the Delta
Hotel for the night. This was a great chance to calm down and read Zhuan Falun
and practice the exercises, seeing as it would be a little more difficult once
I was in China. Then, I decided to Send Forth Righteous Thoughts. That is to
eliminate evil elements in the universe with powerful righteous thoughts.
From my understanding, we cultivate the Law of the universe that harmonizes
everything. Then, if we are pure and assimilated to this Law, Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance,
our thoughts have the potential of being very powerful. Its not that we want
to eliminate bad people, but we eliminate the evil that controls them, the evil
that tries to stop the Law of the universe from harmonizing everything.
The first time I enlightned to the importance of sending forth righteous thoughts,
I felt a profound, divine solemnity make my heart feel as though it swelled
to the size of my chest. It felt as though my entire existence was waiting for
this moment.
You see, my prenatal internal drive for the essence of life and the greatest
good for all was something I never realy verbalized to anyone. Not even the
closest people to me. Largely because some of it was forgotten during my wilder
years. But cultivating is also refered to as returning to ones true nature or
origin, and when that happens I remember more and more. This was a very deep,
intimate and personal thing which I treated with the highest regard. But because
I never shared it with anyone, once I was alone, this realization of complete
purpose hit me. Not only did I have the honor to assimilate myself to the Law
of the universe, purge myself and transcend limiting mentalities and bring benefit
to my friends, family and society through my cultivation, but now my mind and
heart could sit and devote every fiber and particle of my being to extending
itself out to eliminate evil and negative elements in the universe that try
to intefere with the Law of the universe. A complete dedication to the transformation
and transcendance towards the lofty purity of life and a dedication to the purity
of all. It was now actual and real for me. Fullfilling my purpose to be, to
exist.
Trying to live up to this internal calling or vow, if you will, has now led
me here. Six months later in another hotel room, on the other side of the continent
fullfilling my purpose, I sat on the floor in full lotus position (legs crossed
with feet on top of the thighs). I conjoined my hands in my lap, closed my eyes
and with clear intention and commitment to the Law of the universe and began
to clean myself of all bad thoughts, karma (black matter which seperates beings
for the Law of the universe, different from “good karma, bad karma”
mentioned in Buddhism), bad notions and external interference. This can be peaceful
sometimes, and it can be a little painful for me sometimes; but this time it
was very peaceful. Each cultivator has his or her own experience. Some people
feel nothing. After the five minutes instructed by Master Li in the past, I
placed my hands in position (Lotus Palm or one hand in the lap and the other
erected in front of the chest; note this is not instruction) to begin, and I
started by reciting a phrase “The Law rectifies the universe, the evil
is completely eliminated.” But I recited in Chinese, as I felt it was more
powerful. After another five minutes I concluded and went to bed.
The next morning I was a lot calmer, and by the time we lifted off the tarmac
my fears and nervousness were gone. Or so I thought.
Category: Insights
